Desperately Seeking Permission to Relax

I consider myself a motivated person. Hard-working, productive, results-oriented…these words describe me. Most of the time, if I’m not doing something, I get antsy, nervous, downright fidgety. Doing nothing is not an appealing pastime to me. Usually, if I try to relax, I spent the time thinking of things I feel I should be doing. Rather counter to the intention.

Adult coloring - a pastime in which I should more often indulge.

Adult coloring – a pastime in which I should more often indulge.

Then, however, there are days like today. There are things I needed to do; things I wanted to do and things I would have liked to have done. And it just wasn’t in me to do more than the bare minimum. I don’t feel I let anyone down – except myself. But after hours of trying to accomplish things, I finally resigned myself to the fact that it wasn’t gonna happen today, no matter how much I tried. So I’m calling it a day and petting some kitties instead. I grit my teeth as I type them, but the words, “There’s always tomorrow,” come to mind. I hate those words because they make me feel like I have taken today for granted, so much so that I frittered it away.

I get stuck in the mindset that time is money or that time is saving money or that productiveness is all I have to give and there’s not enough time to do all that needs to be done and there are so many pretty things to create…AHHHHHHH! 

I believe I can do a better job of balancing the productive and unproductive times of my life than I do. There’s got to be a happy medium where I can find peace and satisfaction, including some well-deserved downtime. That’s the part I have to find for myself.

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One Response to Desperately Seeking Permission to Relax

  1. kellypea says:

    Right now, there is a vacuum cleaner unassembled within eyesight, a laundry basket, laundry ready to put away, the kitchen is in better shape than usual, but far from perfect, and countless other things I think I should take care of. But you know what? None of it really matters. What does matter is that I make time for what makes me happy and I know that at the end of the day, that if all of what I mentioned had been taken care of, but I hadn’t done anything restorative, then the day would have been a flop. Choices.

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