This world. What can I say? When violent acts cause tragedy, my first instinct isn’t outrage; or sadness; or fear, or indignance. It’s avoidance. I realize that may make me seem heartless – or unfazed – or at the very least in a state of denial concerning the plight of the world. That couldn’t, however, be farther from the truth. My avoidance comes, I believe, from a sense of self-preservation. The more I hear about inhumane behavior and evil actions, the more I’m pained to the core. I’m simply afraid to listen to constant reports, up-to-the-minute updates and endless speculation for fear of it making me feel a sense of hopelessness and despair. And I don’t want to live my life in that emotional state.
I get that everyone is grieving, in shock and upset – and perhaps for some, sharing those emotions is healing. Of course I understand that everyone is experiencing their own reaction but I don’t need theirs to fuel my own. It doesn’t take much of that news reporting mania to throw me into a state of panic and overload. What? No one knows what to do, how to fix it, how to make certain it doesn’t happen again? No one has a cure for hatred and ignorance and intolerance? Neither do I.
So you know what I do? I turn inward. I can’t make the world better or safer – but you know what I can do? I can protect, nurture and comfort those I love. I can revel in the peace and sanctuary we have right here – my fella and I and our cat family. I can curl up and make pretty things and not worry about the world at large. To let it destroy my sense of safety and make me misalign my priorities is pointless. I fully recognize that this attitude won’t heal the world – but neither will worry and angst or righteous indignation and anger.
Another world-weary wounded soul won’t help the situation or even add anything to the conversation. I’ll focus my efforts on the things that are important to my life and the life of my loved ones, here and now because, it seems, a future is in no way a certainty no matter what you do.
In the slideshow below are some of the things that matter to me. These are the things that bring my life joy. I can make an impact on these things; and they on me.