This post is part of a series. Click to read all posts in Things I Didn’t Know 30 Years Ago.
(If you’ve been following along daily, I’ve only added to the list at the bottom – the rest of this post is the same as yesterday.)
It’s National Suicide Awareness Month. In honor of that, I’ve shared an extremely personal story from my own life in a post entitled, Here’s What I Can Do, published on September 22, 2020. I hope that in doing so, someone contemplating ending their own life may be inspired to consider that things won’t always be the way they are in the desperate time they are currently experiencing.
Looking over the years between then and now, I see my rich life unfolding, filled with experiences I’d never have imagined. I’ve changed and grown and forged relationships with amazing people. I’ve found real love, a sense of serenity, security and personal sovereignty. I’m a person who cherishes my life and is thankful that I got to live past the age of 28.
As an exercise in perspective, I’m compiling a list of things I didn’t know about life, about myself and about the world back then. Because one of the things I didn’t know at that time is how to put things in perspective. I’ll update the list daily.
Things I Didn’t Know 30 Years Ago
- That I would be loved by my Sweetie and that we’d build a wonderful life together, based on respect, kindness and silliness that fills my heart with unending joy.
- That, contrary to my own (and others’) beliefs, I was not shy. Disregarded and underestimated, yes, but not shy. Once I associated with those who respected me, my insecurity lessened and I learned that my voice and opinions were valid and mattered. Over time I became able to express them more freely and with greater confidence.
- That I am capable. Very capable, in fact. Capable of action. Capable of independent thought. Once I am out from under the thumb of domination and undue influence, I’m as capable as anyone, and more so than many.
- That I would love and be loved by our cats to such an intimate degree. I had two cats in my “before time,” but they were treated poorly by my ex and, like me, failed to have the freedom to be and give all they could.
- That I am brave. Brave enough to drive. Brave enough to challenge myself to learn new things. Brave enough to care for my Sweetie though cancer and more. Brave enough to step WAYYYY out of my comfort zone to seize opportunities for myself.
- That I would crochet on a balcony in Mexico, sipping mojitos with a view of the Caribbean.
- That I would be reunited with my family of origin and that I would come to know and love their children and their children’s children as warm and wonderful people.